It's that time of the year; back to school. Five year olds starting school for the first time. Older "children" starting Middle and Senior High and oh, the anxiety of the parents sending off the "young adults" to college. A time of transition for many.
To the parents I say, you have hopefully taught your kids manners, and self respect at whatever age they are and can allow yourself to let them experience and learn for themselves. For many parents there is a change. No child home during the day, or living in the home. This should not be viewed as a negative. It can also be a time for the child's primary caretaker to return to school, work, or community service. It can be time to start a home business in the spare room. Time to rekindle romance instead of having an empty nest.
Whatever age, parents need to give kids the "space" to grow. New friends in Kindergarten, space for the young adult to mature.
It is funny now, in a time of cell phones how some parents feel a need to call the "child" through out the day. How did previous generations cope?
It will be a time of change and transition for many and these are to be framed in positive ways. Growth and even that little tinge of pain is good. It is growth. It will be a benefit in the long run.
Parents talk to your kids about personal responsibility, it should have started a while ago. Have the conversation again ,trust your kids, and that you have done your job. Enjoy Life!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
The "midlife crisis"
Now, when you see the term "midlife crisis" what comes to mind? Is it a valid term? Is it an American phenomenon? What is it?
Most probably you think it is something that happens to men. They lose weight, start dressing hipper, get the sports car and think they are just so cool!
There is no mental health diagnosis for this although maybe the collaborators of the DSM (bible of diagnosis for mental health providers) need to look at this.
The phenomenon happens between the ages of 30 something and late 50s. It is mostly men although I have had male clients who describe the same happening to their wives. Is it hormonal/physical? Sometimes an illness or physical sexual issues/problems preceded this. Some individuals , once a history is taken come from a dysfunctional family of origin. Maybe there was alcoholism or parental infidelity. Not everyone has a midlife crisis but when someone has one it is disruptive not only to the person but to the spouse, children and extended family. As a mental health provider, I can most accurately describe the behavior as "psychotic" or a loss of contact from reality. Many "victims" and I mean the person married/involved with the person having the midlife crisis, come to treatment. Usually the "midlifer" has projected their own negative emotions to the "victim". The midlifer communicates to the victim that they are at fault. "If only you ______________" You can fill in the blank.
If only you were home more, cooked more, cooked less. Folks, doesn't matter what you did, it was wrong. Again,not totally male phenomenon but mostly,there are women out there having the "midlife crisis". If your partner is going though this, don't isolate yourself. Talk to your friends, therapist and trust me, it is not your fault.
Most probably you think it is something that happens to men. They lose weight, start dressing hipper, get the sports car and think they are just so cool!
There is no mental health diagnosis for this although maybe the collaborators of the DSM (bible of diagnosis for mental health providers) need to look at this.
The phenomenon happens between the ages of 30 something and late 50s. It is mostly men although I have had male clients who describe the same happening to their wives. Is it hormonal/physical? Sometimes an illness or physical sexual issues/problems preceded this. Some individuals , once a history is taken come from a dysfunctional family of origin. Maybe there was alcoholism or parental infidelity. Not everyone has a midlife crisis but when someone has one it is disruptive not only to the person but to the spouse, children and extended family. As a mental health provider, I can most accurately describe the behavior as "psychotic" or a loss of contact from reality. Many "victims" and I mean the person married/involved with the person having the midlife crisis, come to treatment. Usually the "midlifer" has projected their own negative emotions to the "victim". The midlifer communicates to the victim that they are at fault. "If only you ______________" You can fill in the blank.
If only you were home more, cooked more, cooked less. Folks, doesn't matter what you did, it was wrong. Again,not totally male phenomenon but mostly,there are women out there having the "midlife crisis". If your partner is going though this, don't isolate yourself. Talk to your friends, therapist and trust me, it is not your fault.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)