Divorce is a major life stressor and chaotic especially for the person not initiating the divorce. I say this because the person initiating the divorce has come to the decision after months and even years of thought and preparation. The person not initiating this is many times surprised. There are many levels of awareness as there are people and marriages. By initiating the divorce I do not mean legally, I mean the emotional breakup. Many times the person legally filing is not the one initiating the divorce.
Jim Smoke, author of GROWING THROUGH DIVORCE could not have said it better in his book. He answers the question of life life after divorce as " unless you die right now reading this" He goes on to say that yes, there is life after divorce.
That can not be more accurate. As humans we, many times, do not see the forest for the trees. You can't just focus on the tree right in front of you. You have to look around and be aware that there is not just one tree but a forest. Get out of the little black box you initially put yourself in and explore who you are, where you are, and where you want to be. There is a great big world out there. If you remain open to it's wonder you will not only grow but may very well be happy.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Happiness!
In the last several months it seems the shelves of the local bookstores are full of books on happiness. Many titles promise to teach us how, and where to find happiness.
What does that word mean to you? What are your thoughts and feelings when you hear that word?
Is it "warm and fuzzy" feelings? Visions of blue sky? Fields of daisies? Lot's of money? Lots of sex?
It seems that we all have a different idea of what happiness is, everyone is searching and few can say they are "happy"
I have heard people say it doesn't exist, that we create our own happiness... and I guess everyone will have an opinion and or a thought.
Well, what makes you happy?
We can look at the basics.
1. Health. If you are in poor health, can you really do anything? What is good health?
2. Shelter. You need shelter from the elements. You need to be safe.
3. Food. We all need to eat to stay alive.
4. Family and friends. We are social animals.
Now, in our search for happiness...............
1. Health. We can have some diagnosis here or there. But as long as we take care of ourselves we are OK. It should not define us.
2. Shelter. How much square footage do we need? Do we need the bigger house?
3. Food. We can have food from the different food groups. We don't need to eat at the fanciest restaurants as long as we eat nutritionally.
4. Friends and family. Good, healthy relationships with "real" people. It doesn't matter what they drive, how much they make a year. It's who they are as people.
Guess where you find happiness? In your self. You make decisions in your thinking. You can talk yourself into being happy and you can also talk yourself into being unhappy. It is up to you. Read the books if you like but, you have to do the work for yourself. We all have an internal dialogue with ourselves. We can either choose happiness or unhappiness.
What does that word mean to you? What are your thoughts and feelings when you hear that word?
Is it "warm and fuzzy" feelings? Visions of blue sky? Fields of daisies? Lot's of money? Lots of sex?
It seems that we all have a different idea of what happiness is, everyone is searching and few can say they are "happy"
I have heard people say it doesn't exist, that we create our own happiness... and I guess everyone will have an opinion and or a thought.
Well, what makes you happy?
We can look at the basics.
1. Health. If you are in poor health, can you really do anything? What is good health?
2. Shelter. You need shelter from the elements. You need to be safe.
3. Food. We all need to eat to stay alive.
4. Family and friends. We are social animals.
Now, in our search for happiness...............
1. Health. We can have some diagnosis here or there. But as long as we take care of ourselves we are OK. It should not define us.
2. Shelter. How much square footage do we need? Do we need the bigger house?
3. Food. We can have food from the different food groups. We don't need to eat at the fanciest restaurants as long as we eat nutritionally.
4. Friends and family. Good, healthy relationships with "real" people. It doesn't matter what they drive, how much they make a year. It's who they are as people.
Guess where you find happiness? In your self. You make decisions in your thinking. You can talk yourself into being happy and you can also talk yourself into being unhappy. It is up to you. Read the books if you like but, you have to do the work for yourself. We all have an internal dialogue with ourselves. We can either choose happiness or unhappiness.
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