Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Sex in a new relationship

I often am asked by my clients when it is appropriate to have sex. While I remind my clients that I am not the moral police, and it's an individual choice I have a few thoughts to share.
The literature that is available on sexuality and dating basically describes a release of hormones that prevent clear thinking once there is a sexual experience. Like it's also not a good idea to drink on a first date. You want to get to know who you are getting to know and potentially having a relationship with.
Back to sex. Many times people do have sex too quickly so they are not able to truly get to know the person. There is much written about whether men and women are different or similar about sex? Many believe men do not attach as women do after a sexual experience.
Literature that is out on this topic says that first, wait until it feels right, and most importantly get to know that person and take your time. Steve Harvey author of ACT LIKE A LADY, THINK LIKE A MAN: WHAT MEN REALLY THINK ABOUT LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS,INTIMACY AND COMMITMENT writes about waiting three months, not that there is magic to three months but he makes a point of comparing this to a new job with a three month probational period. This is a little humerus but seems to make sense. Don't you want to see if you want this person in your life? If you all work out? Are compatible?
Again, I am not the moral police but seems that if you are looking for a long term relationship, it may be beneficial to wait on the sex and build a strong foundation or at least know the person.
Happy dating!

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