Happy New Year!

Such excitement! Parties and hopes for a fresh start, tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow starts a new day and new year. Yes, it can be overwhelming. But it should not be... tomorrow will be just like today. The new year does bring a kind of hope that we can set goals and things will be different. Nothing to stress about. Use this time to think about things you may want. Kind of a Christmas Club account if you will. Now, some of you reading this may not know what a Christmas Club account is ( ha ha) I am aging myself. A Christmas Club account was available at banks, and you could save money through out the year for Christmas. Ok, I was a mere child when those were popular. Start the day exploring and taking small steps toward a larger goal you would like. Use this time wisely for change but understand it will be small change and there will be bumps on the road. Happy New Year and thank you for reading my thoughts!

Christmas and the newly single.......

Well, it's Christmas. The time of the year for families and friends to gather, pictures of long tables with everyone looking nice , smiling and surrounded with family are everywhere. Children are all smiling, their clean, well dressed and well mannered. Sweet isn't it? Perhaps your picture is not that cute. Perhaps you have a Goth teen, a grouchy husband, or no family at all. Whatever you have, if you can read this, feel blessed for your eyesight and your cognitive skills. I have learned that there is a season for everything. I have a personal mantra, "when in doubt, look at nature". We can have horrible weather, be it snow or rain storms where it looks like it will never clear, but it does! After a horrible Winter there is Spring ( my favorite time of year) I want to dedicate my thoughts to the men and women coping with their first year of separation from a spouse or any long term relationship. There is a "death" or very bitter winter when you first separate or divorce and you feel that your world just had an earthquake. I am not getting into how you got there, you are there. While you should allow yourself time to mourn, also look at this as being the only Christmas you will have in 2012. Start a new tradition for yourself that will help you feel like it is Christmas. If you always have a tree and don't feel like getting one, buy a live 6 inch Christmas plant at the grocery store. Do something Christmas-like. Do something different. Live the moment. It may feel like life is over, and some part of your life is, but guess what? Spring will come and new feelings will blossom. You have a choice right now, rebuild your soul stronger, or whither away. I say you choose to rebuild. Make new friends, open your soul to the world. Find others that have lived through what you are living, both currently and/or that have rebuilt. You are not alone. Reach out and you will see that there is a whole community of separated and divorced just waiting to be your friend. Let the light of hope shine on you!

NYC officer, the boots and the world......

National news is reporting that the man given a pair of boots by a NYC officer is walking around barefoot again. I can't say that it suprises me. Homeless people are on the street for a myriad of reasons. There is a large number of them that suffer from mental illness. They do have loving families that can not help their relative because the person does not want to be helped. Not that they are ung...rateful or bad, just that they have a mental illness, usually a psychotic disorder, which does not allow them to live in "reality" or in "the conventional world" And, yes, many do have a drug and/or alchol addiction but that is usually secondary to the mental illness. In fact, many addicts in general are self medicating for a mental illness. What the NYC officer did was necessary for him as well as for society. To give to others feeds our souls. We should not be discouraged by the homeless man not wearing his new shoes, we need to feel encouraged that a young, NYC officer bought a shoeless man shoes, a woman was impressed enough to take a picture and the world chose to honor all this via a viral you tube posting, facebook postings, and all that ensued. Religous people may say that the NYC office acted as God's angel on earth.

STOP!!

I write this one week before Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a day to give thanks for our blessings. However, for many who will be hosting a gathering of friends and family, it is now becoming an anxious time, since especially in South Florida, time flies, it's November, and it feels like summer. Before you allow the anxiety to win and posses you, I want you to stop wherever you are and breathe. First, perfection does not exsist so if you are aiming for a "perfect" Thanksgiving, stop now. Focus on who is attending and how you want to share this time. You are going to forget things, so you may want to plan ahead, you may make several trips to the market. You also may forget some items you cooked. Just let go of the idea that there should be perfection. Perfection does not exsist. Perfection if you notice does not exsist even in nature. Once you are free from the grips of "perfection" focus on seasonal, "yummy" food you enjoy and your guests. Once Thanksgiving Day rolls around, be in the moment. Appreciate those particular times and the people you are sharing them with. Think about your blessings. You may not have somethings you may wish you had, but I am sure there are things you do have. If after reading this you can't think of any, give your self time, breathe, and just understand that act of breathing is a blessing. Start there and be thankful. Happy Thanksgiving.......

Victoria’s Secret apologizes for Native American-inspired look

Victoria’s Secret apologizes for Native American-inspired look

This is current in the media today, but what is the real message being sent by airing this show? What is the purpose if not not to provide a sexually charged show or in fact, a very long commercial for a lingerie store. What is being  communicated? What is the purpose?
These models are mere children not old enough to have a beer. Again, what is the purpose? For men to buy these items for the women in their lives and hope they look 20 years old and leggy? Is it for women to buy these items and feel they are 20 and leggy?
What is our message as a society with such a "commercial" in December?
We live in a world bombarded with ads for cosmetic surgery. They are everywhere and the surgeries keep getting cheaper.
What is up with us? Our society?
Can we not love ourselves, appreciate our morals, values, intelligence and  skills. It's time we grow up and stop focusing on the fantasies being fed by the media and our commercialized society. Please!
If we allow our brains to rot behind a TV, guess what? They will.
Grab a book, buy a bicycle, get running shoes, go hiking..... get  a life; love your body the way it is and enjoy life.
And sex, it's about bonding, connecting and love, not about the overly priced small outfit sold to you on the longest commercial........
Native Americans have taken a stand, good for them....

When did it start all going so bad?

I posted the clip independently since I wanted to make sure you can watch it if you want. As I turned on my computer this morning I was hit with this chaos which was portrayed as "news". I have never been one to trash the media. I grew up watching television and yes, did my homework with the TV on. It worked for me. I may just be getting old but the things we call news and the things that are on TV now are really senseless, and harmful in the long run for personal growth and even happiness. As I see this clip all I see is people behaving rudely for all to see. "In my time, this just did not happen!" I am a year and months away from 50 by the way. What are we teaching children? I feel that with children and adults exposed to so much rudeness we are saying that as a society it is acceptable to curse, use foul language and in essence, bully others as a way to assert ourselves and get our way, be heard and "shine above others" As a society we have a responsiblity to be civil, respectful and teach our minors how to be behave. As elders, we have to set the example. It does seem that no one wants to be an elder as everyone is holding on to youth. Perhaps we ALL need to grow up! My initial question was, when did it start? First thing that comes to mind is good ole Jerry Springer. Long time ago, his show involved security guards and chair throwing. Then there was "baby daddy... Maury" and it has just gotten worse from there. What are we creating, what are we exporting? Let's look at ourselves, our media and you answer that for yourself.

FULL VERSION: Nicki Minaj Cusses Out Mariah Carey During 'American Idol'...

Can you love too much?

Since the 1960's we have become used to seeing messages of "make love not war" "Love is all you need" Love, Love , Love.
However, I think we have to define what love means to us and how we express it. We also need  to learn healthy from unhealthy love. We have to be careful that we are not trying to "control" others, or do so much for others that we "handicap them".
Love is not about "pain" but there can be pain in love, growing pains. As a parent, one has to allow their children to make decisions for themselves, you have to let them make the attempt to get up and learn to walk independently, you can not build cushioned flooring at home and be at the child's side to hold their hand and carry them everywhere. If you do, you raise a "crippled person". What you did out of love in fact hurt the child because he/she will never be able to go to school or eventually work unless he/she knows how to get there on his/her two feet. OK, so this is a very simplistic example, but I have worked with couples and families where the partner or parent thinks they are helpful, kind and loving but in fact, are creating dependence. It's funny because then the partner or parent will eventually complain about he child or partner is  just not being able to do things for themselves.
There must be freedom and trust in love. Parents and partners have to give each other space. On the far side of control we have people that "force" others do things their way. They believe that how they do things is the "right" way.
We all need space to grow and develop at any age. A small tree under a larger one's shadow is never going to grow to it's full potential.

Hurrican Andrew 20 years later

For those of us that have lived in South Florida for more than twenty years this is a "special" if not a surreal weekend. Twenty years ago today, South Florida was hit with the first hurricane in many years. Miami  had grown since the early 1980s. There had been massive development of new communities and few, then residents, had lived in Miami in the 1960's which was the last hurricane most "remembered " which flooded parts of Miami and Key Biscayne. Even fewer remembered the last major, devasting, hurricane in Miami back in 1926.
This weekend, South Florida is watching Tropical Storm Issac while remembering Hurricane Andrew 20 years before. This week the groceries store shelves were cleared out of certain items. Many have spoken out loud of the memories, of fears and concerns.
This is a "loaded" weekend. While we may remember what happened to us twenty years ago, we must remain calm while taking intelligent precautions. Keep some extra cash around, buy some non perishable foods, load the car up with gas, find the battery operated radio, and for home, get a "cheapie" phone that connects to wall and is not cordless. This is a time to stock up and be ready, not to panic.
While everyone has lived through a lot of pain and growth in the last twenty years, lets focus on growth, we are better, stronger people today. We have been tested and tried and have survived. Let's focus on the positive, be smart and hopeful. Key word for this weekend KEEP CALM.  : )

Glam-mas face aging in style: ’Every era builds character’

Being free and happy at any age. Let yourself be who you are............
Glam-mas face aging in style: ’Every era builds character’

What we value in people

Looking at what is in the news makes me think about what kind of world we live in. We seem to live in a world that values youth, looks and overt sexuality. We are exposed to these messages every second it seems. We need to color our hair, grow or  have the right pout, and wear and drive the latest model car and the best designer clothes. Professionals are even judged but how much money they make. Which asks the question? Who is more successful, Mother Theresa or Donald Trump. Food for thought there!
Seems like it is very easy to get stuck in a superficial, never ending quest for more. Yes, never ending. We can end up caged in our thoughts while on a wheel thinking we are moving forward but infact wasting a lot of energy.
Then we hear about people affected by various medical problems including being stricken by flesh eating bacteria and losing their limbs, all their limbs. What may that person think as the shock wears off and they have to live in the world? Realistically, they most problaby will need a lot a therapy both physical and emotional to return to functioning that will be not be the same. It will be a new life and yes, there is life.
But what can we learn from these situations? A lot!  We need to return to a time when people were valued not by perceived wealth or physical attributes which now most likely are surgically enhanced but by their souls. Their ability to love, have emphathy and be giving to their community. We can not take the wealth with us. At birth and death we are all the same. I feel that we need to redirect our focus from weatlth and phyical features. If we give, we recieve. Perhaps focusing on loving and caring for ourselves and others. I heard someone say once " God doesn't make junk. " We all have strengths and weaknesses that makes us who we are. We are like Yin Yang. We need to begin loving our strenghths and our weaknesses as well as others'. It would be such a neat world if it did not matter what we looked like, what we drove, or what our financial assets were and we can love one another. A world like that would embrace a person who's life has been healvily altered by disease. A person "disfigured " by accident or disease. I guess I can dream and try to be an example.

Value of people?

We live in a society focused on outward appearance and the appearance of wealth. More of the "show and flaunt it" wealth than on wealth of knowledge and intelligence or values, morals and love of others. This is what I have learned from what is  popular on  television shows and the way I see people carry themselves. It seems that  people are valued by how much money they appear to have and what they look like. There are countless advertisements and news stories about cosmetic surgeries. Seems you can have yourself radically altered these days. There is also the pursuit of money and material things. It is like living in a cage with a wheel. We are in constant motion but where are we going and what is the goal?
So we live in the quest of beauty and money. But then we turn on the news to stories of people stricken with disease or by an accident and having lost limbs and being radically changed physically, coping with limitations and emotionally scared. What then?
What can a person stricken by such devastation feel or think? Living in the same world we live where we value all these exterior things, what must they feel and what will happen to them?
I think it makes us wander what is really of value. These people are alive, will survive and will have feelings as will their loving family. What is their purpose and what can they provide society. I think that they are living examples of how people are not what they wear, drive or earn. They are living examples of a love of life. We all have souls, thoughts, and feelings. We all have strengths and weaknesses. We are like Yin/Yang. It would be great if we focused more on our values, morals, and good works. They say no man is an island. I don't think we were created to judge each other on how we look or how much money we have attained. It's funny because what we believe to be beautiful today is tomorrow's ugly and what is rich? As someone one asked, who is more successful, Mother Teresa or Donald Trump?
If we learn to love our neighbors we practice something that will grow. We will love one another and ultimately ourselves. Now, THAT, is priceless. Perhaps the best anti aging secret too.

Dealing with a difficult boss

I was asked recently to address the issue of coping with a difficult boss. I think we should never, impulsively leave a job. I think we need to search in ourselves and see what we are feeling.  What are you feeling? Are you unhappy, angry, what is the feeling?  Tuning into our feelings, will help us learn our triggers and hopefully figure out if this is the right job, the right profession or what is going on for us.
I worked at a large company years ago ,  I remember a co-worker ( another mental health practitioner) discussing how the workplace can mimic the family of origin. How you reacted to the "stronger" parent can be the same way you react to your boss. That being said, I think you should try to reframe the negativity to positives as you asses if this is the place for you. There should be no fast moves or changes. Respect the person's power as you assess what you will do.
Now, you may just have a dysfunctional boss with issues. There are bosses who drink and use drugs. Again, look around, with a clear mind. Can you go to HR? Can you make an anonymous report? It this situation a chronic one? Don't burn any bridges, do as you are told, and talk to a neutral party who doesn't work in the same company. The right answers will come, in due time. If you are reading this, and have a more specific question, please leave me a message and I will try to help.

Happiness Found!

The following is not going to be received well by everyone, but if you don't like it, please review your world view. Please do not be quick to disregard and question. Please digest it first.

I have found happiness! No, I am not full of merriment all day and I still have a myriad of emotions, I get angry, I cry, I get frustrated, lose hope at times and all those feelings everyone feels. But, I have found happiness.

Any questions? Well, for starters, I have acknowledged and learned that happiness is a state of mind or a way of thinking and seeing the world. To be happy we have to be honest with ourselves, love who we are, our strengths and weaknesses. We need to value what we have and not focus on what we think we want since that, perhaps, just perhaps, is going to make us happy. I have met many people in my life that challenged me and I have angered many because I take what I have, and build on it. As they say, if God gives you lemons then make lemonade. No, this is not about settling either. But, if you see what your strengths are and build on them you can succeed. I am horrible at math, I became a therapist and hire accountants and billing companies. I did not state accounting as my major so that I would flunk out of college and cry "poor me." I did not try a major in business when my peers were getting their MBAs, and I was getting my MSW at a little well known Liberal Arts College.

I am not trying to say I have all the answers, but I hope if you take anything from this writing is... focus on your assets, your gifts and what you enjoy and what just plain comes easy to you. I don't like bringing my faith into this since I respect all faiths and even the lack of. But, we all come to life with gifts and blessings...... we should use them not hide them. Whatever you are good at, and we all have something... make the best out of t.

Enjoy today because it is where you are now. Yesterday happened and we should not worry about tomorrow....that is not here yet.

New Year's Resolutions

Well, are they forgotten or you never made them? Now may just be the best time to start making positive changes. The pressure from new year's is over and we are in month two. This is 2012 and we are well accustomed to writing it. 2011 is long gone it seems. If you have wanted to make some changes go for it now. Think small and make the small changes that will lead to the larger goal.
I ran the Miami half marathon this past weekend after not running (at all) since December 11th when I completed my last half marathon. Life got busy and I am training for a cycling event. I have since recovered from the soreness, and actually ran a few miles this week. On Sunday, I decided that this year I am fitting more running into my schedule so that I don't have to relive my experience with the Miami half marathon. I ran Tuesday and will continue to run even if only a few miles just to keep up. Again, small goals leading to a larger goal. You pick one or two areas you want to change and start now, February 3rd or 4th....
Best of luck!