Since the 1960's we have become used to seeing messages of "make love not war" "Love is all you need" Love, Love , Love.
However, I think we have to define what love means to us and how we express it. We also need to learn healthy from unhealthy love. We have to be careful that we are not trying to "control" others, or do so much for others that we "handicap them".
Love is not about "pain" but there can be pain in love, growing pains. As a parent, one has to allow their children to make decisions for themselves, you have to let them make the attempt to get up and learn to walk independently, you can not build cushioned flooring at home and be at the child's side to hold their hand and carry them everywhere. If you do, you raise a "crippled person". What you did out of love in fact hurt the child because he/she will never be able to go to school or eventually work unless he/she knows how to get there on his/her two feet. OK, so this is a very simplistic example, but I have worked with couples and families where the partner or parent thinks they are helpful, kind and loving but in fact, are creating dependence. It's funny because then the partner or parent will eventually complain about he child or partner is just not being able to do things for themselves.
There must be freedom and trust in love. Parents and partners have to give each other space. On the far side of control we have people that "force" others do things their way. They believe that how they do things is the "right" way.
We all need space to grow and develop at any age. A small tree under a larger one's shadow is never going to grow to it's full potential.
