Cheating, Sex, and money

First I think it's important to define these three things. What is cheating? Many people believe that cheating is one's partner having sexual intercourse with another person behind their back. Well, the true meaning of cheating is, any time that you do something that you hide from your partner, on purpose, that is cheating. There is financial cheating. That is when you buy something, shoes, computers, TVs, and don't tell your partner how much you REALLY spent. Oh, and that secret account you have? That's financial cheating. Now, those private messages you send that special friend of the opposite sex? Yes, those things you tell them, about your feelings, about how you really feel. That's emotional cheating. It's not just getting naked and going hog wild in a hotel room with a person not your partner, for it to be cheating. Now, I have technically discussed cheating, sex and money. Martial sex is supposed to be sharing of your bodies and soul. It is said that sex is a special gift not to be used or abused inappropriately. When you have an affair, any affair, you are taking energy that you should be putting in your relationship and placing it somewhere else. No duh, you feel your marriage gets boring, your spouse is a nag, because you have essentially checked out. Now money, it's mostly men, but some women do it, they take money and give it to the lover. Now, you are in essence taking something you and your spouse have worked for , something of value, and giving it to someone else. You are not just stealing from your spouse, you are stealing from your marriage. In essences, kicking it and devaluing it. Some may say that " I worked for that money" "my spouse doesn't work" "my spouse doesn't make as much money as I" Well, marriage is an agreement and bond where two people focus on building a live together, a nest. It's no longer about "ME" it is about "we". I find that the divorce rate keeps rising because people have forgotten what marriage means. It's us not you or me. We seem to be living in very "selfish times" Everyone wants money, status and material items. People appear to be disposable. It's almost like people are seen and treated like objects. Marriage seems like, you buy a young, shiny spouse in your 20's, build something in your 30s, perhaps have children and buy a house. By 40, they want another shiny lover, and bigger house. They essentially kick what they built, destroy and start anew in their late 40s. As a therapist I am beginning to see the cycle renewing in the late 60s into 70s. More and more people are leaving their marriages later in life. Some for the second time and some are leaving after having been "forgiven" affairs in their past by the same spouse they are leaving now. All life is valuable. People are not objects and are not disposable. Let's try and keep our humanity. Build up others' marriages, don't encourage ugly mother in law jokes, or joke because a man prefers to stay home with his wife instead of going out drinking with the guys. Let's support human connections and love. People should not really be starting fresh at 40. Broke at 40 or 50 is not cool. Destroying what you built and/or leaving kids in a broken family is not cool. Let's start to build each other up. Peace.

Boundaries

It's important to be centered and to know where I am, where you are , how we can meet and both maintain ourselves even if we join our lives with someone. It seems that more and more people feel a need to "push the envelope" just take it all a little farther. Seems people are never satisfied with what they have. This, I see, in many areas. They have a house they feel they have to go larger, car, they need a new one, married for twenty years, they want spice, perhaps a younger lover. Perhaps all this behavior has always been present but with social media the whole world knows your business. Why? because you placed it there for all to see. Everyone wants to be cool and push further. Skimpy dressed wives, bedroom shots, countless bottles of alcohol, there is a lot people are putting out there. The part that is troubling is that potential universities, employers and others are looking, taking note and making opinions. Sadly, once you post something it's there and even if you delete it someone may have just copied it. You go out and drink and post pictures of you and your friends drunk, well what if you get into an accident? a crash? you have just provided the world evidence that you were probably drunk. Even if the accident was when you were sober, you have been known to drink excessively so there is that evidence that you CAN drink excessively on occasion. My mother has an old Cuban saying " cria fama y acuestate a dormir" ( create fame, a reputation, and go asleep) It's like marketing 101, put the information out, put video, pictures of any behavior and you will be judged. It's not me that is trying to be the moral police here, it's that it's a reality. Besides, why are you doing what you are doing for the camera? What are your needs? What is a topless picture of you or a somewhat topless picture of you doing for you? Who is it for? Is it for an ex lover, ex wife? What do you need to prove and why? If you know you are super cool you really don't have to publish it on social media because everyone already knows. The sad thing is that some "so called friends" will like your pictures and encourage your debacle, they think it's funny and they will laugh at you, not with you. In my experience as a therapist I have seen people who have pushed and pushed until they just crash and burn. There have to be boundaries and some personal rules of conduct. How far can you go? Sadly, many go until they crash and burn. If you are unhappy and unfulfilled talk to someone. A neutral party who will be honest with you. Don't allow others to use your vulnerability and pain for their fulfillment. Be brave and seek professional help before you crash and burn. Crashing and burning get's you admitted to hospitals, in jail and can be way more expensive than seeking outpatient counseling. Peace be with you.

Hope

I was going to write today about all the shootings and deaths at the hands of those that are supposed to protect us and keep us safe. It is in the news and several states have or have had protests because of deaths in their state. Then I realized that I can surely connect that with this holiday season. Yes, holiday, I am including Hanukkah , Christmas, and all holidays here. We, in the US, live among peoples of all races, religions and creeds. As troubling as it is hearing about all the deaths at the hands of police officers, we can not lose hope. How does hope come, where is the hope? Well, in all the pictures of people who care enough to post their thoughts on Facebook, in all the non violent demonstrations. Yes, we have all been exposed to the violent ones but many have not been violent and those people have cared enough to be heard that they care about other people. They have empathy. Locally, we recently were made aware of a 90 year old arrested for feeding the homeless in public. It seemed that there was a local ordinance prohibiting such behavior. This 90 year old man began a movement where, as I write this, it seems that his civil disobedience has in fact created change. Now, how do these things tie in with hope and the holidays? Holidays such as Christmas and also the coming year? In hope. As much as things look bleak, as much as it seems that people are heartless and not caring, we begin to see an outburst of hope, caring and empathy. Yes, one person can make a difference and yes, change for good is possible. As we get ready to bid farewell to 2014 there is room for good things to happen. Be an instrument of change yourself. One smile, one good dead can make a world of difference and you may not even be aware of it. We sometimes see people who look mean, nasty, or uncaring. Don't make it about you and assume that the person thinks they are better than you. Be more open minded, if you take the time to meet the person where they are at, you may find out they are waiting for medical results, that their family member is ill, that they are foreclosing on a house. You just never know. But don't ask, just be present for others. They don't have to tell you either. By establishing this new way of being you will connect with others in a different way. Also remember you may connect with others but not everyone. Just don't hold on to any ugliness because there is lots of good to be had. That one rotten potato does not rot the entire bag. Peace and Love!

No private bubbles available

No man is an island and you don't live in a bubble. We may want to think and joke that "we live in a bubble" but we are connected indirectly and directly to others and yes, it goes beyond families and friends. Our behavior impacts others in ways you probably never think of. Let's talk about abortion, suicide, divorce and those ugly topics most people don't want to talk about. If I talk about myself, I will mention the first time I was affected by abortion. I was about 6 years old and my parents paid for lady to do door to door drop off to and from school. I was in a new city, Miami, and school was new too. It was the first time I was away from my family for a prolonged period of time. I remember arriving home and before we got to the front door I saw the police and various neighbors in front of my home. I actually remember this as if it happened yesterday and this happened way over 40 years ago. It turned out that it had nothing to do with my family but someone had come to use my family's telephone and the police where there because our next door neighbor had an illegal abortion in her bathroom. This is the same family who's mother had gone on a date around Christmas time and her date had been drunk and they had been in a fatal car accident. This family had a lot of tragedy which not only affected this family but in fact the neighbors and this 6 year old child was awaken to the ugliness of the world via neighbors. I also had a teacher at my elementary , she taught in the room next to mine, have a heart attack and die in her classroom. All these situations obviously deeply affected family members and those directly involved but there was also the community around them which were the people that came into contact with them on a daily or regular basis. Divorce is also something that affects more than the just the two people being divorced. It obviously affects the children, but it affects the extended family, friends and event he family pet. Life changes and awareness is altered. In essence divorce is an earthquake not only for the couple and family, the foundation and landscape changes. Suicide is another one of those issues that stretches out it's tentacles. All the issues I have mentioned affect many beyond the core people involved but with TV and social media they are touching many more lives in a new way. We only know what happened death, suicide or what ever, we don't know these people, but it's told to us and we internalize it as if we did. Just like the little girl sitting in her classroom and having her teacher have a heart attack or coming home to the police next door, yet we only know what a producer or writer gave us and we add ourselves to it. Sadly we already know how the media exaggerates news or massages the news to make it more dramatic or interesting. In essence we must be careful not to allow the media to work with our minds and break our spirit. That being said, I think we also have a responsibility to behave well, and be mindful of how our behavior will in fact affect other people. We don't, after all, live in a bubble. We are parts, intertwined, of a much bigger picture. Don't let anyone or thing break your spirit. If you allow yourself, the puzzle piece that you are, be destroyed you are destroying the bigger picture.

Is it an ASSet?

Ok, so the news du jour today was Kim K's buttock. Apparently it was to break the internet. As if we care, our eyes were violated by the sight of Kim pointing her buttock towards the camera. This for a magazine called Paper. It was all cover the internet and various news sources. Then Chelsea Handler took a selfie of her's and posted it on the internet. Wow, of the other news in the world we were graced with buttock comparisons. What does that say about our culture? We have just had some interesting elections this month, we should have concerns about how Congress and our President will get anything done. We have major health care challenges, we have had an Ebola scare, we are having issues in Broward regarding feeding the homeless, where a 90 year old volunteer is repeatedly arrested for feeding the homeless. Hey folks, we have some serious socio-political issues who cares what Kim's buttock looks like. Pretty sad that her current claim to fame is appearing "greased and oiled" in the front page of a magazine with her buttock sticking out. Insanity and or shallowness at it's best. There is the stupidity of it all and also the underlining misogyny of the over exposure of the female body. Women are in fact being maimed and are dying in their pursuit of the " perfect body". Women spend much of their income on beauty products and procedures that somehow they were socialized to belief they needed. For what again? It's interesting to look at current fashion for men and women. Men wear flip slops and cargo pants. Their weight and waistlines are rarely issues. There are even "belly flop" contests on cruise ships. Now for women, shorts have gotten shorter, heals are higher and weight is an issue as is cellulite. Add the clothes women are expected to wear and the messages sent to women and what do you have? Misogyny's dark, slick, undermining influence who's goal is to destroy women's self esteem and feelings of self worth. I guess I should include something about how to make this situation better since this is really pathetic. This also at a time when "plus size" models are a size 10 when in fact, the clothes they are modeling are for women sizes 20 plus. Again, insanity. None of this makes sense. So I think we women need to wake up and empower ourselves. We are not the size of any body part, we have heart and soul and we have a brain. We have purpose which is not to be eye candy or decoration.

RIP Tobacco Road

I am writing about a bar. Yes, strange that I would write about a bar, no I am not advocating drinking nor am I a patron of the establishment. I remember the place and I remember going there once. I was in college, I was a member of the Young Democrats and I remember being there briefly. I forget why we were there, I think we were gathering there because it was a central location. This is not just any bar, this is a place where politicians and celebrities frequented. This place is in Miami, Miami is not known for historical places. We are known in this rather "young" city for knocking things down and building bright and shiny buildings and houses that sometimes can not weather a storm but are new and shiny. It's not that I personally will miss the bar since I am not a patron but the reason that it's closing after 102 years in existence is what saddens me. It seems that it validates the modern day trend of throwing out old and buying and creating new. I can't help but think of the marriages that are broken in mid life because the wife is not " as sexy anymore" so the wife is left and a younger, firmer model is acquired. I am sad about Tobacco Road. It was bought for $12.5 million by real estate developers and it is going to be torn down. History and community don't matter anymore. It's old and needs to go. Almost like the wealthy relative that is more valuable dead than alive so when ill, the family gathers to see how they can get some money or valuables from the relative. It's very sad that we don't value tradition, history, or community. If all we focus on is money we are indeed and dead society. What do we show future generations? The shiny, bright building with the leaky glass ceiling where a historical place once sat. As it is, when I travel in my old neighborhood near my elementary school all I tell people is what existed 40 years ago when I was a kid. 40 years is truly not a long time. We go to other cities and can enjoy history. In Miami, we can look at all the billboards on the Palmetto for breast and butt work. If you need the work just drive north on the Palmetto Expressway and you can look at the competitive prices. Nothing is as good as it is. We all need surgery, we all need to color our hair, we need creams and potions and we need to tear down our history, our community in the name of "the best will come later" after we have ripped our ethnic features, we implant and change everything. How sad. What are we feeling ? What motivates us? What are we teaching future generations? RIP Tobacco Road, they are only destroying you because you have worth.

Foundations are crucial

As a child my mother taught me the importance of foundation garments. Ok, so that is a joke but she did , just like I believe most mothers do especially with girls. As I was running this morning I noticed a wall with cracks in the middle, soon the wall will have to be fixed. It seemed that it was not built correctly. This triggered my thinking that we, as a society have lost our ability to prioritize. We do not seem to value jobs that are in fact very important to society but yet value people that make money off other people with no real social value except that they have made money off "managing " other people. People are valuing money and material things. Look at the least paying jobs, they are caretakers of the very ill, teachers, day care workers, and food service employees. These people work day in and day out with our elderly parents, they feed terminally ill people, they cook food for us and educate and care for our children. Yet, we do not value them. Such a shame that we don't value the people are, on a daily basis, forming our next generation. Construction workers that build the homes we live in. Seems that we need to start looking at the value in the jobs that these people do because these people are involved in the foundation of our community, and out society. I believe that we all have gifts we are born with that are meant to better society. Not everyone's gifts have the same monetary value which is sad because the reality is money is money and a means to acquire goods and services but should not give more value to the person holding the money. Money that changes in actual value through out a person's life span. What does not change and is of actual value is the person's moral character. The person's ability and willingness to provide warmth, love, and companionship to their family and those they love. I have seen very happy poor people and have seen very unhappy "rich" people. The love of oneself, self acceptance and an awareness that we are all part of a community is a great gift to have and hold. One must love and accept oneself. Once you accept yourself both the bad and the good, you will be more accepting of others. We need to be grateful for construction workers that build our buildings, cooks and chefs that cook for us, farmers that farm for us, child and elderly caretakers that care for our parents and children. They provide a foundation for us and we need to learn to value the gift they give. No man is an island, and it does take a village.

What you need to do is_____________.

Everyone seems to have an opinion and they think they are correct. OY! Problem is that everyone's opinion is based on their life, their culture, their world. Every one Googles and yes, there you will find people's opinions. Seeking advice is easy these days and everyone will give you a suggestion. A should, could, etc which are dirty words that don't help. I have discussed these "dirty" words in other blogs because they in fact are not helpful. You need to do what is right for YOU. For you, not anyone online or anyone that you know socially. The problem is most people never take the time the know themselves and trust themselves. You need to understand that there will always be times when you feel you don't know yourself well, but you can always come back to "center" Center is your core, who you are. Your values, your comfort zone, where you feel OK. Mind you, there will be times when you may stray from your core but hopefully you can get in tune to knowing when you are straying from your core. We all stray but should be able to make it back. How do you find your core? It takes some time with yourself. I am not a fan of "self help books" because they are not all created equal. There are some good ones but you have to be careful. I do believe you also need to become aware of your spiritual self. No, not pushing a specific religion. You may start where your family started, if your parents did not introduce you to spirituality then do some research and go as close to what your ancestors worshiped, learn that and grow from there. I have to add here that I do believe in a higher power and this is very important in this type of work. It helps that there is a higher power, a creator, that knows us, loves and accepts us. If you were created, in love, and for a purpose, that, grounds you. You are not a helium balloon just flowing aimlessly through life. The problem is most people have tuned me out. Higher power? God? Church? Now I have lost people. But, taking time to meditate or pray is a very centering activity. It's such a beautiful thing to love yourself as you are. Big, tall, short, overweight, tanned, white, black, messy, whatever adjective describes you. Sure, that doesn't mean that because you are messy by nature you need to live in a dirty kennel. No, we all have weaknesses and strengths. We work with what we have and work at doing our best. Self Acceptance because you were made this way for a purpose. So, if you are the only person with a particular thought which you think is correct. Respect others but ask yourself why you think you have that thought. What is it based on? Journal, learn and discuss without necessarily following the crowd. Do what you think is correct after self analysis and discernment. Remember that there is good and evil in the world, ying yang, whatever you want to call it. You will be more confident when you know why you think what you and it is good for you and it's good for others. Working with out knowing who you are, coreless , may get you lost in a wild and crazy world. You need to be able to discern between good and bad for you and for society. Peace.

Sex, Drugs, Alcohol, Money........ Life as we know it

Although this is a blog and it's about me writing, I do wish to get feedback especially from men on this issue. I do know that people read this since I have been emailed or told verbally from people that have read it. Now, I have seen this phenomenon both socially and in my practice. It's women who tell me that their husband has asked them to dress sexy, and to dress "for them". Now, I am not talking about dressing to be home, I mean to dress to go out in public. I usually hear the complaints from the women. I actually was at a department store once and someone was telling the store clerk that her husband had suggested she buy an all shear blouse with nothing underneath. Oh, this reminds me that there are women who use body paint instead of tops to attend certain functions. That and pasties. The women ask themselves and I guess I open this forum for feedback. Why? I would love to hear from the men why they would like their wives scantly dressed to go out. One woman told me she got the response that "I know you are a proper woman and will not flirt with men" This man actually picked out clothes for his wife to attend a party. Short tops, high heels and short skirts. Again, please provide feedback. I have also had numerous clients mostly women but some men, that have been "talked into" having more than one partner sexually, as in threesomes. Again, the people I have counseled while consenting at the time did not want to continue and many times that activity has led to the third party reuniting secretly with one of the partners. As I work with couples to repair the damage or with the one person who comes because of the "trauma" they feel they have experienced, I ask myself why? Again, please feel free to share thoughts here. Our current society can be described as "throw away" "immediate gratification" "materialistic" and people seem to feel a need to "push the envelope" There seems to be a thirst or lacking in the modern spirit. The common belief is that status or money will help. The more money people make the more they want to make and, many times the poorer they feel and are. Sex, drugs, alcohol, money, seem to be idolized and cool. God forbid you don't seem cool. I have adolescent clients with way more sense than their parents because their parents are so preoccupied with keeping up with the Jones' or the Garcia's that they don't even parent. I have had many children tell me " I wish my father/mother did not have so many boy/girlfriends" "My mother/father just won't get off the phone" I know that I can not fix the world and I can only guide those that admit to having issues and wanting help. Few parents now provide their children with religion in their lives. This is not a blog about religion but I feel kids need a basic foundation. Sadly, many parents don't do anything and expect the child at 18y to choose. That doesn't happen. That is a part of life that is lost on them. It just seems that parents are failing. With the idea that 40 is the new 30 etc,etc, we seem to be refusing to grow up. Now, looking your best is important but at some point we need to get a grip on reality. I am told I look 30, great, but the reality is I am 50 and there is nothing wrong with it and it truly doesn't matter. But as a 50 year old I am supposed to mentor young people , not hang with them and conspire to make the same mistakes they do. Duh! It seems to be "cool" when there are no limits and any limits need to be busted. Well, boundaries are limits and they are there for a reason. Self control is important. If you don't control your eating, you will have problems, you don't control the number of sexual partners, there will be consequences, and that is with anything. We keep busting through boundaries and I think we never stop to live, be mindful and enjoy beauty of life, aging and long term relationships as well as parenting. You can not be your child's parent and best friend. Nope, you can't. So, It may seem I have gone around in a circle. But the core here is self control, self awareness, self love and acceptance. The core of the self at it's healthiest. We have to be careful of what we expose ourselves to. Pornography for examples provides an unrealistic example of sexuality. You expose yourself to doses of any unrealistic thing and that becomes a norm. Nope, not good. Buy enough magazines with unreal pictures of women and your perception of a woman's body will be warped. Video games too. Shoot enough avatars and you will be desensitized to the killing of people, real people. In essence, " we are what we are exposed to." Let's expose ourselves to pretty things, lovely things, pure and spiritual things. Try it for at least 30 days and see what happens. Just a thought. Hope to get feedback. Would love to hear what others think. Peace and Love, Libia

Success

Are you successful? Ha, this is not such an easy question is it? How do you measure success? Is it the size of the car you drive, make or model? Your income? Or is it as simple as how you feel? Do you feel successful? I once heard it asked, "Who is more successful, Mother Theresa or Donald Trump? Well? The answer to this is based on your values. If you value public service, building community and/or are faithful, spiritual, religious you might answer, Mother Theresa is more successful. Here is a woman who chose to live in poverty, build community and work at helping people who were very poor, weak, dying and in essence, the disenfranchised. There were no "movers and shakers" being helped there. The contrast then is Donald Trump. He is vastly wealthy, it is evident he has some "ego issues" as evidenced on national political news, and has had a few marriages. The man is known for his financial wealth. It is obvious that you will choose your own personal response to my question. What do I think? As I have matured in both my career in mental health and my life I'd say that each was successful in what they wanted to do. I think society's issue is that we, as a society, have neglected to value what people like Mother Theresa have done and do and focus only on finances. The reality is that money is necessary, not necessarily evil but a means to pay for necessities of life. Some necessities of life. We seem to lack balance. We need to value the "helping professions" and give them the same importance we give to careers in management and finances. We need social workers, teachers, peace makers and we also need accountants and business people. We also have to value them all the same. I truly feel we have weakness and strengths and we are born with talents to make this a better world. I think we get in to trouble by forcing young people in to careers they lack aptitude just because " you have to make money" Getting a little spiritual here, I would say that we have to be careful we don't idolized money. Money is not a God, it is a means to trade goods and services. As I have hit mid life with a few bumps and bruises, I have learned the key to happiness. I am also willing to share, and not sell it. (Insert laughter) Learn who you are, what your strengths and weaknesses are. Love the good and bad in you. Try to be the best you can. Be happy with you and who you are. "Grow where you are planted." Happiness is about appreciating and being grateful for what you have. Look around, count your blessings and be happy.

Seasons......

A few years ago, and I don't know how I started to think this way, I began to see the benefit of looking at nature, as way to get answers about life's questions. Maybe looking at nature as God's way of communicating with us, I am still not sure. We have four seasons and we notice it's not a quick change, it's more of a gradual change. We learn that as bad as a rainy day is, it will stop raining and we will have beautiful sunshine and flowers and green space as a result. As great as that sunny day is, the day when it gets too hot will come and we will get the rainy day to save us from the hot weather. There is beauty in nature as there is beauty in our lives. Yes, there is ugliness, death and violence in nature as well. I believe that we all would benefit from getting in touch with nature. Get out of the house, go outside in any weather, feel it. Walk more and get out of the bubble with wheels. Getting in touch with nature will get you in touch with yourself, and knowing yourself with help you connect with others. Nature, in all it's grace, is such a beautiful thing. Nature is therapy. Make time every week to get out, don't drive, don't watch TV but connect, commune with nature. There is beauty in the infant, there is beauty in the elderly person with many wrinkles sitting in the park. We must live every season of our life in a mindful manner. Enjoy the beauty and awkwardness of every season. Oh, to be a teenager or in your 20's with life ahead yet the fear. To be 40 and 50 and remember that fear and laugh, "how silly" yet at 40 and 50 we have other fears. The fears that an 80 year old would laugh at "how silly". Every season of our lives will be challenging but we need to see the gift in it. While it is difficult to understand, I finally understand how there can be a gift even in difficult times. Childbirth brings fear and pain while creating life and a new family. Death brings grief yet a time to reconnect with family and celebrate a life lived. Find the joy and sunshine, accept your rain, it will make you a better person. It makes you who you are. Happy Summer.

Anger

Anger. The word alone makes us think of something that is wrong, that needs correcting or that should not happen. I guess we have been trained that it is a "bad" thing. Well, I will tell you that anger is a feeling, an emotion just like any other. I guess the best example I can give right now, is that it can best be compared to pain. Not just because many times a person in physical or emotional pain will either look or behave like they are angry, but because anger is also a warning to us that something is not right. First, anger is a feeling, it is ok. What is not OK is what we do with the anger, what our behavior may be. While we are not in "control" of the feeling of anger, we are in control of our behavior. Interesting to find talk about anger in the Bible of all places. No mention of it being outright bad, just that we need to contol it. In Ephesians 4:26 "In anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are angry. The problem many people have with anger is that they don't address issues when they first occur they "bottle it up" and " explode" after a while. For others the expression of anger is seen as powerful. A way to control others. This is usually learned from childhood where adults displaying this behavior taught the children that it was a way to be powerful. Most people want to be powerful, just like their cartoon characters, so the lesson was, display anger and you are in control. Later in life this causes all sorts of problems. There are many "anger management classes" and many people for a variety of reasons get referred, usually by Court, for treatment or "classes". Most times they don't work. Why? Because the person being referred is referred, or told by another to go, so it doesn't work. Like any "problem" one has to become aware of it and then want to change. Anger is not an "all or nothing feeling/emotion" unless there is some psychiatric or neurological condition. Things annoy people and people tend to be lazy or shy and let things go..... but it only gets so far. One needs to be in touch with one's emotions, one needs to address concerns or feelings when they happen while in an appropriate, none judgemental manner. Own the feeling, tell others " I feel...." with out accusing or judging. Be considerate of others and if the other person does not want to talk "right then" agree on a mutual agreeable time. It is ok to feel angry, it is not OK to attack others or be mean.