Monday, May 19, 2014

Anger

Anger. The word alone makes us think of something that is wrong, that needs correcting or that should not happen. I guess we have been trained that it is a "bad" thing. Well, I will tell you that anger is a feeling, an emotion just like any other. I guess the best example I can give right now, is that it can best be compared to pain. Not just because many times a person in physical or emotional pain will either look or behave like they are angry, but because anger is also a warning to us that something is not right. First, anger is a feeling, it is ok. What is not OK is what we do with the anger, what our behavior may be. While we are not in "control" of the feeling of anger, we are in control of our behavior. Interesting to find talk about anger in the Bible of all places. No mention of it being outright bad, just that we need to contol it. In Ephesians 4:26 "In anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are angry. The problem many people have with anger is that they don't address issues when they first occur they "bottle it up" and " explode" after a while. For others the expression of anger is seen as powerful. A way to control others. This is usually learned from childhood where adults displaying this behavior taught the children that it was a way to be powerful. Most people want to be powerful, just like their cartoon characters, so the lesson was, display anger and you are in control. Later in life this causes all sorts of problems. There are many "anger management classes" and many people for a variety of reasons get referred, usually by Court, for treatment or "classes". Most times they don't work. Why? Because the person being referred is referred, or told by another to go, so it doesn't work. Like any "problem" one has to become aware of it and then want to change. Anger is not an "all or nothing feeling/emotion" unless there is some psychiatric or neurological condition. Things annoy people and people tend to be lazy or shy and let things go..... but it only gets so far. One needs to be in touch with one's emotions, one needs to address concerns or feelings when they happen while in an appropriate, none judgemental manner. Own the feeling, tell others " I feel...." with out accusing or judging. Be considerate of others and if the other person does not want to talk "right then" agree on a mutual agreeable time. It is ok to feel angry, it is not OK to attack others or be mean.

3 comments:

  1. Great topic and writing on such a crucial and pervasive feeling, which seems to be destroying our American society. Perhaps, as you mention, children are taught that anger gives you control and people in our country are feeling that their lives are less in their control than they would like. They lash out at everyone, from their loved ones to strangers, wanting to recover control. Does insecurity trigger anger, then?

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  2. Thank you Silvia Abarrategui for reading my blog. I would say that if the person is insecure and/or feels unsafe, yet has observed or learned that acting out anger can help him control his environment by also controlling others, the person may act out his anger as a way to make him/herself feel safe.

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