Sex, Drugs, Alcohol, Money........ Life as we know it

Although this is a blog and it's about me writing, I do wish to get feedback especially from men on this issue. I do know that people read this since I have been emailed or told verbally from people that have read it. Now, I have seen this phenomenon both socially and in my practice. It's women who tell me that their husband has asked them to dress sexy, and to dress "for them". Now, I am not talking about dressing to be home, I mean to dress to go out in public. I usually hear the complaints from the women. I actually was at a department store once and someone was telling the store clerk that her husband had suggested she buy an all shear blouse with nothing underneath. Oh, this reminds me that there are women who use body paint instead of tops to attend certain functions. That and pasties. The women ask themselves and I guess I open this forum for feedback. Why? I would love to hear from the men why they would like their wives scantly dressed to go out. One woman told me she got the response that "I know you are a proper woman and will not flirt with men" This man actually picked out clothes for his wife to attend a party. Short tops, high heels and short skirts. Again, please provide feedback. I have also had numerous clients mostly women but some men, that have been "talked into" having more than one partner sexually, as in threesomes. Again, the people I have counseled while consenting at the time did not want to continue and many times that activity has led to the third party reuniting secretly with one of the partners. As I work with couples to repair the damage or with the one person who comes because of the "trauma" they feel they have experienced, I ask myself why? Again, please feel free to share thoughts here. Our current society can be described as "throw away" "immediate gratification" "materialistic" and people seem to feel a need to "push the envelope" There seems to be a thirst or lacking in the modern spirit. The common belief is that status or money will help. The more money people make the more they want to make and, many times the poorer they feel and are. Sex, drugs, alcohol, money, seem to be idolized and cool. God forbid you don't seem cool. I have adolescent clients with way more sense than their parents because their parents are so preoccupied with keeping up with the Jones' or the Garcia's that they don't even parent. I have had many children tell me " I wish my father/mother did not have so many boy/girlfriends" "My mother/father just won't get off the phone" I know that I can not fix the world and I can only guide those that admit to having issues and wanting help. Few parents now provide their children with religion in their lives. This is not a blog about religion but I feel kids need a basic foundation. Sadly, many parents don't do anything and expect the child at 18y to choose. That doesn't happen. That is a part of life that is lost on them. It just seems that parents are failing. With the idea that 40 is the new 30 etc,etc, we seem to be refusing to grow up. Now, looking your best is important but at some point we need to get a grip on reality. I am told I look 30, great, but the reality is I am 50 and there is nothing wrong with it and it truly doesn't matter. But as a 50 year old I am supposed to mentor young people , not hang with them and conspire to make the same mistakes they do. Duh! It seems to be "cool" when there are no limits and any limits need to be busted. Well, boundaries are limits and they are there for a reason. Self control is important. If you don't control your eating, you will have problems, you don't control the number of sexual partners, there will be consequences, and that is with anything. We keep busting through boundaries and I think we never stop to live, be mindful and enjoy beauty of life, aging and long term relationships as well as parenting. You can not be your child's parent and best friend. Nope, you can't. So, It may seem I have gone around in a circle. But the core here is self control, self awareness, self love and acceptance. The core of the self at it's healthiest. We have to be careful of what we expose ourselves to. Pornography for examples provides an unrealistic example of sexuality. You expose yourself to doses of any unrealistic thing and that becomes a norm. Nope, not good. Buy enough magazines with unreal pictures of women and your perception of a woman's body will be warped. Video games too. Shoot enough avatars and you will be desensitized to the killing of people, real people. In essence, " we are what we are exposed to." Let's expose ourselves to pretty things, lovely things, pure and spiritual things. Try it for at least 30 days and see what happens. Just a thought. Hope to get feedback. Would love to hear what others think. Peace and Love, Libia

Success

Are you successful? Ha, this is not such an easy question is it? How do you measure success? Is it the size of the car you drive, make or model? Your income? Or is it as simple as how you feel? Do you feel successful? I once heard it asked, "Who is more successful, Mother Theresa or Donald Trump? Well? The answer to this is based on your values. If you value public service, building community and/or are faithful, spiritual, religious you might answer, Mother Theresa is more successful. Here is a woman who chose to live in poverty, build community and work at helping people who were very poor, weak, dying and in essence, the disenfranchised. There were no "movers and shakers" being helped there. The contrast then is Donald Trump. He is vastly wealthy, it is evident he has some "ego issues" as evidenced on national political news, and has had a few marriages. The man is known for his financial wealth. It is obvious that you will choose your own personal response to my question. What do I think? As I have matured in both my career in mental health and my life I'd say that each was successful in what they wanted to do. I think society's issue is that we, as a society, have neglected to value what people like Mother Theresa have done and do and focus only on finances. The reality is that money is necessary, not necessarily evil but a means to pay for necessities of life. Some necessities of life. We seem to lack balance. We need to value the "helping professions" and give them the same importance we give to careers in management and finances. We need social workers, teachers, peace makers and we also need accountants and business people. We also have to value them all the same. I truly feel we have weakness and strengths and we are born with talents to make this a better world. I think we get in to trouble by forcing young people in to careers they lack aptitude just because " you have to make money" Getting a little spiritual here, I would say that we have to be careful we don't idolized money. Money is not a God, it is a means to trade goods and services. As I have hit mid life with a few bumps and bruises, I have learned the key to happiness. I am also willing to share, and not sell it. (Insert laughter) Learn who you are, what your strengths and weaknesses are. Love the good and bad in you. Try to be the best you can. Be happy with you and who you are. "Grow where you are planted." Happiness is about appreciating and being grateful for what you have. Look around, count your blessings and be happy.