Cheating, Sex, and money

First I think it's important to define these three things. What is cheating? Many people believe that cheating is one's partner having sexual intercourse with another person behind their back. Well, the true meaning of cheating is, any time that you do something that you hide from your partner, on purpose, that is cheating. There is financial cheating. That is when you buy something, shoes, computers, TVs, and don't tell your partner how much you REALLY spent. Oh, and that secret account you have? That's financial cheating. Now, those private messages you send that special friend of the opposite sex? Yes, those things you tell them, about your feelings, about how you really feel. That's emotional cheating. It's not just getting naked and going hog wild in a hotel room with a person not your partner, for it to be cheating. Now, I have technically discussed cheating, sex and money. Martial sex is supposed to be sharing of your bodies and soul. It is said that sex is a special gift not to be used or abused inappropriately. When you have an affair, any affair, you are taking energy that you should be putting in your relationship and placing it somewhere else. No duh, you feel your marriage gets boring, your spouse is a nag, because you have essentially checked out. Now money, it's mostly men, but some women do it, they take money and give it to the lover. Now, you are in essence taking something you and your spouse have worked for , something of value, and giving it to someone else. You are not just stealing from your spouse, you are stealing from your marriage. In essences, kicking it and devaluing it. Some may say that " I worked for that money" "my spouse doesn't work" "my spouse doesn't make as much money as I" Well, marriage is an agreement and bond where two people focus on building a live together, a nest. It's no longer about "ME" it is about "we". I find that the divorce rate keeps rising because people have forgotten what marriage means. It's us not you or me. We seem to be living in very "selfish times" Everyone wants money, status and material items. People appear to be disposable. It's almost like people are seen and treated like objects. Marriage seems like, you buy a young, shiny spouse in your 20's, build something in your 30s, perhaps have children and buy a house. By 40, they want another shiny lover, and bigger house. They essentially kick what they built, destroy and start anew in their late 40s. As a therapist I am beginning to see the cycle renewing in the late 60s into 70s. More and more people are leaving their marriages later in life. Some for the second time and some are leaving after having been "forgiven" affairs in their past by the same spouse they are leaving now. All life is valuable. People are not objects and are not disposable. Let's try and keep our humanity. Build up others' marriages, don't encourage ugly mother in law jokes, or joke because a man prefers to stay home with his wife instead of going out drinking with the guys. Let's support human connections and love. People should not really be starting fresh at 40. Broke at 40 or 50 is not cool. Destroying what you built and/or leaving kids in a broken family is not cool. Let's start to build each other up. Peace.